Luisa

Mar 5, 2008 at 9:35 PM
4 comments

My Luisa

is a muse

and a Napoleon.

My Luisa.

When you write Luisa

(the virtues of glasses, excess,

8 ½ ).

Lilacs, tulips, control over my fingers.

This spell’s luscious.

(Not a spell).

Wrap your Fellini around

Which one. Luisa.

Oh I’m too the wife.

Write it.

I want to be L—

I am Luisa (The).

Relinquishing Luisa.

So that we’ll be the muse.

My subconscious, the muse.

Something without origins

without reference to anywhere else.

Read it.

Now I’m.

I say the.

The thing.

Yes.

I’m not really

I’m more like

I want to be

The muse.

4 comments

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Anouk Aimee played Lucia in Fellini's 8 1/2. Despite her dour expressions in the movie, she was my favorite when I first saw her.

I love this poem, Renee, and love to think of the introverted, cynical but Italian-willed white-clad woman in 8 1/2 (my favorite aspect of the movie, too). The syntax of your poem reminds me of a much lesser one: the Morrissey song titled "Sister, I'm a poet" -- in which he only sings "sister, I'm a" because he can't bear to belt out "poet."

[this is good]

Hey Renee.

You asked me to comment and this poem doesn't really grab me. It is hard to bring surrealist film to life in a poem. I tried really hard to bring Herzog's Hearts of Glass to life. I also have a poem about Andrei Rublev, which never took off.

Your first two stanzas hold the promise for the piece. I would change the first one to:

My Lucia is a Muse

and a Napoleon

my Lucia

very sexy lines. Nice!

The next stanza is very, very good. I need to see the movie. Of Fellini, I only remember La Strada and one weird homo-erotic movie based in ancient Rome.

I'd rework the poem so that the strength of those first two stanzas is evident in the subsequent stanzas. i would also make the piece shorter and include a brief film synopsis as a header, so your readers who haven't seen the film an follow along.

Lucy

Thank you for your clear insight on my latest poem, Lucy. I will take your suggestions to heart.

Luisa

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