Renee/ the p.r.’s Friends and Family

coffee nook goes almond

nobody@vox.com(jeffington) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:30:13 -0400

thanks to 3 more cans of almond paint and the fact that not being at home feels safer than being at home i was able to work on the coffiee nook

at 99 cents a can the paint drys so fast i am suprized that it dryed smooth

i guess paint that drys slower smooths and flattens out as it has more time to do so

this coffie nook will look better in a cheep rental house in the hood

i guess the drive i will have to make to work and back will use a lot more gas and i will have to figure that in

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Mystery Solved: Dessert of the Week!

nobody@vox.com(Inspirational Place) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:13:52 -0400

My Personal Mystery...
Lately I have been having a few unknown visitors to my blog, commenting on a specific picture I posted, which I will now call the Amazing S'more. Donning my sleuth's cap, I have cracked the code and discovered the answer to my recent blog guests...

The S'more picture was highlighted in the Explore Vox Culture page...I rarely visit these pages so I was pleasantly surprised to see it posted.

Since desserts seem to be a crowd favorite, I am thinking about highlighting a Dessert of the Week. So here is my humble submission for your viewing pleasure (and think..no calories just for looking!)

Cupcakes are Beautiful

Found on Sweet Sassafrass' blog

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Art and Decor related readings

nobody@vox.com(ArtyFarty) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:53:04 -0400

Shit I'm reading instead of doing work...

http://chicinparis.wordpress.com/
http://www.thepeakofchic.blogspot.com
http://www.allthebestblog.com/
http://tireshop.blogspot.com/
http://edwardwinkleman.blogspot.com/
http://howsmydealing.blogspot.com/

although I manage to complete paintings somehow:

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things that make me cry

nobody@vox.com(Crystal) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:35:36 -0400

I've always been more emotional than I would like. I feel intensely. Well, everything in my life tends to be on an intense level so it goes hand in hand. My happy is enough to make me tear up with the beauty and wonder of it all. My sad is like an everflowing fountain. I wish that sometimes I could turn these intensities off, but as I've aged I have realized that in many ways I'm lucky. I am thankful. I care (maybe too much sometimes) I am moved. I am full of love for the people in my life. So if the downside is a lot of extra tears that make me feel exhausted the next day, well so be it.

Things that make me cry:

various family situations like my brother crying when I leave (then I cry), giving a talk at my in-law's 50th anniversary party about how wonderful they are, my sister when she was dealing with her crappy now-ex husband, etc.
Good good good books. Most recently reading a book of one of my writing colleagues about a child growing up after her unborn sister and her father die within two weeks of her sixth birthday. Oh my I bawled, alone (Joe has been up in VT for work) at midnight all over my Kindle.
Dr. Who episodes have made me cry lately. Poor lonely doctor! All the women in his life have to leave him!
Other shows make me cry. Battlestar Galactica. Sex in the City. Anything with sappy wrenching relationship issues make me bawl like a baby. Love stories. Unrequited love. Lost love. Hell, the movie Titanic flattened me...not because it was particularly good but because of the wrenching, the losing, the depth of connection ripped away. The English Patient--god I can barely watch it it just wrecks me so much.
Feeling inadequate or unwanted/needed makes me cry. This may happen more often than people who know me might guess. Stupid, but true.
Phone conversations with old friends, reminiscing about various events. Sometimes I feel so moved that I know

Sweet lover kitty

people, such incredible, wonderful people, that I'm moved to tears.
the fact that if I only pay the minimum (which is a crapload of $$ let me tell you) on my student loans, I won't be finished until I am 65. Kid you not. And I owe FAR LESS than most students graduating today.
Sometimes watching moving sporting events or award ceremonies...speeches at the Academy Awards, etc. I can't help but feeling intensely when I see other people feeling intensely.
Thinking about how my Romeo is getting old. He's 14 in October. I know that cats can live to 18-20 now but he's starting to behave differently. Nothing dramatic, just more old cat, like how he doesn't run for his cat treats as quickly or energetically as he used to. He's my closest, dearest friend who has been with me for pretty much my entire adult life. I can't bear the thought of being without him. If I even think about it, like now, I start bawling like a baby.
My jobs have made me cry. In better ways now than in my youth (god, I've had some horrific bosses who have made me cry) but for me it all boils down to the connections I have with people. I want to excel. I want to succeed. Mostly now that is the case, but when I fail it does hit me hard. But more often than not, it's when people I have become connected to leave my immediate sphere. Or when I am the one that leaves. When I left my last job, which was, truly, one of the best jobs with one of the best bosses (who also recently left the company) that I have ever had, I shed many tears. I did some cool things with that company but more importantly, I did them because I had the chance to work with wonderful people who helped me and gave me opportunities in which to best help them.

Gah, that's enough for now. How much crying do you think I should do??

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what a heavenly voice

nobody@vox.com(Sujatin) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:50:17 -0400

I'm watching a wonderful documentary on BBC4 about the incomparable Ella Fitzgerald. I was brought up on her music and Sinatra, Dave Brubeck, MJQ. My Dad had discovered jazz on the American Forces radio when he was in the RAF in Iraq in WW2. I saw her in London, must have been 63 or 4

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Friday 13 pictures about one thing

nobody@vox.com(emily sears) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 15:58:35 -0400

Me, looking at schools of little fishies, from just born to nearly grown, at Washington Crossing yesterday.

And yes, you could practically wade across this part of the river. But if there are 2400 of you, in the dead of winter, with horses and equipment and only a couple of boats, I imagine it's a whole different ballgame.

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14 steps towards a better you: improve your communication skills

nobody@vox.com(Irma) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 15:44:30 -0400

In order to build good relationships and reach goals, social skills are crucially important. When thinking about social skills, many people think about the ability to smooth talk. Socially skilled people are indeed capable of communicating their feelings and thoughts. They're capable of effectively communicating their ideas. People who aren't as proficient, often think they've got lousy social skills. However, there's more to having social skills than talking. Being able to say what you want, without hurting others, being able to actively listen, being able to read and use body language, ... those things are just as important.

Say what you mean

In order to keep a conversation going, stand up for your needs, criticise or react to criticism, give or accept a compliment, you have to open your mouth. Many people find it difficult to tell other people what's bothering them. Often people rub other people the wrong way, and this gives way to fights. The other person feels attacked and gets defensive: "That's not true!", "Look who's talking!". Before you know it, you end up fighting.

In order to put what's bothering you on the table, you might try the XYZ formula. This is a way to phrase things. In situation (X), when you do (Y), I feel (Z). This way it's not as much criticism, as it's a complaint. For example: "When we are driving (X), and you change the radio station without asking (Y), I feel like I don't matter to you." This sounds very different from "Who made you king of the radio?"

Sometimes it's explained a little differently: name the behaviour (X) that's bothering you (don't play the man, play the ball), name the situation (Y) in which this behaviour occurred, and tell which feelings (Z) this behaviour caused. For example: "You being an hour late (X) for our appointment (Y), makes me feel you think our appointment isn't important, and that makes me sad (Z). This sounds very different from "You're always late!"

Once you've said what's bothering you, say how you'd like things to be. Don't demand anything, don't pose ultimatums, don't make threats. Just describe your wishes. For example: "I would like you to be on time next time. That we we can spend some time catching up before dinner."

It's best to be brief. No monologues. People usually can concentrate just 30 seconds at a time during a conversation. Keep your message short. Give the other person time to react. Phrase your message in a positive way. If you use too many negations and negative formulations, it seems like you're nagging and whining, and people don't like to listen to that.

Active listening

Listening is just as important as talking. Even if someone communicates their feelings very well, if the other person isn't listening, the message won't get across. Listening is important in order to have a pleasant conversation. It's very annoying if you get interrupted or someone can't wait to air their viewpoint. If you really get listened to, it's a pleasant experience. Listening to the other person not only means you're hearing what they're saying, but also trying to understand what they're trying to say. This is called active listening.

LEAPS

LEAPS stands for Listen, Empathise, Ask, Paraphrase, Summarise. When you listen, have an open mind, hear the words, interpret the meaning and act upon the words. Empathise, and don't confuse empathy with sympathy. Empathy is seeing through the eyes of the other person. Then ask, for clarification, in order to find facts, to seek opinion. Next paraphrase, express the message in different (your own) words, and finally summarise. Condense all that's been said and put it in a simple statement. Be brief and concise.

A different version of LEAPS is Listen, Empathise, Apologise, Positive attitude, Solve. There are similar systems, like LEAP (Listen, Empathise, Agree, Partner), basically meaning listening for what the person finds motivating, empathising with them, finding common ground you can agree on, and partnering with them to address common goals. There's also a different version of LEAP (Listen, Empathise, Apologise, Problem-solve), or yet another (Listen, Empathise, Ask, Produce results). They all more or less boil down to the same thing.

Use body language

Body Language

The use of body language is another social skill. With a smile, eye contact, an interested posture and enthusiastic charisma you'll get more done than with an uninspired attitude. The importance of body language often is underestimated. Research shows that 80 % of communication consists of body language. Try taking that into account.

If you are the one listening, don't cross your legs and arms, mirror your conversation partner. This way you show openness and enthusiasm, and you enlarge the chance people want to tell you their story. If you are the speaker, make sure your body language is in line with what you're saying. If you are communicating your anger, make sure your voice is powerful, and stand up straight, both feet on the ground. That way your message will come across a whole lot better than when you're speaking in a soft voice, avoiding eye contact, looking at the floor.

An audience is captivated by speakers using gestures to accentuate their message. Also make eye contact, whether you're listening or talking. Don't stare though. Don't look more than 4.5 seconds at the other person, or it becomes staring. If you're listening watch the speaker about 75% of the time, if you're speaking, watch the listener about 40% of the time.

Role play

Ask a friend, partner or family member to do the following exercise with you. Think of a topic you don't agree on, for example the question whether chocolate ice cream is better than vanilla ice cream, the question for whom to vote if today there were elections, or the statement a day-nursery is bad for children.

Put an egg-timer or stopwatch on one minute. During this one minute, you get to say what you think about this topic, and why. The other person has to listen actively, and isn't allowed to interrupt. After this one minute, ask yourself the following questions:

what was it like having someone listen actively?

what did the other person do to give you the impression they were really listening to you?

what body language did you use?

did you use body language to emphasise your words?

how much eye contact did you have with each other?

Now reverse the roles. Listen actively to the other person during one minute. Afterwards, ask yourself the following questions:

how hard was it not to interrupt the other person?

did you use body language to encourage the other person?

how much eye contact did you have with each other?

Prevent a fight from happening

Next time you're in an argument that risks turning out into a fight, try to use the XYZ formula, and to stick to the LEAP(S) rules. Even though the other person might not do the same, your attitude might very well change the other person's reaction.

Afterwards, evaluate how you influenced the argument by using the XYZ formula, and sticking to the LEAP(S) rules.

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still twittering

nobody@vox.com(Sujatin) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 15:05:02 -0400

news and links:

09:26 sending happy birthday wishes to Halina, Abby, Gavin and Ian :-) #
11:54 mending #
14:46 arranging to meet R before she goes off to the US (sniff, sniff) #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

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lyric of the yesterday 8/7/08

nobody@vox.com(uncagedbird) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 14:59:12 -0400

I love this song...

And over the cobbles he clattered and clashed in the dark inn yard.
And he tapped with his whip on the shutters,
But all was locked and barred.
He whistled a tune to the window
And who should be waiting there
But the landlord's black-eyed daughter.
Bess, the landlord's daughter
Plaiting a dark red love-knot into her long black hair.

"One kiss my bonny sweetheart, I'm after a prize tonight,
But I shall be back with the yellow gold before the morning light;
If they press me sharply,
And harry me through the day,
Then look for me by the moonlight,
Watch for me be the moonlight,
I'll come to thee by the moonlight, though hell should bar the way."
- Loreena McKenna, "The Highwayman"

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chase it all away - blue eyed 2 tone soul

nobody@vox.com(karlos) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 13:21:53 -0400

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